Indie & Foreign
The Room (2003)

Called the 'Citizen Kane of bad movies', The Room is like a malfunctioning car with broken wheels, yet it still manages to win races. Wiseau's presence on the screen, the odd dialogues and the various plot holes all make the movie fun to watch despite its mediocrity.

Rating  

Arguably the most enjoyable “Eject” movie ever.

[do action=”play-by-play-spoilers”/]

[do action=”moment” emo=”Creepy” title=”Denny the perv.”/]

Johnny and Lisa make it clear that they are heading upstairs to have some sexy time. What will Denny do? He lurks around for a while and decides to follow them. Since we have no background on this character, Denny could be a convicted sexual deviant for all we know.

[do action=”moment” emo=”DejaVu” title=”I’m sure we know why it’s called ‘The Room’ by now.”/]

Within thirty minutes we are served with a bunch of sex scenes. There’s just too many of them. Tommy Wiseau (as Johnny) sure isn’t afraid of showing some skin himself given he gets butt naked in two of them. Until now, it seems like this flick is some sort of leftover from a softcore direct-to-video film made in the nineties.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Quotable” title=”‘It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not. Oh, hi Mark!'”/]

This quote describes so many scenes. First of all, whenever a character comes in, usually it starts with ‘Oh, hi [insert name]. Secondly, the characters will often jump from one emotion to another, instantly going from one feeling to the next. Third, they repeat the same things over and over again to prove their point which makes them sound mentally challenged.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Awkward” title=”I don’t know where to start.”/]

Juliette Danielle (Lisa) is a sleepwalking throughout the movie. She always has the same tone and I could count on a single hand the amount of facial expressions she can come up with even if I had Sauron’s hand. Her character is a mess. In one scene, she’ll be worried about Johnny’s feelings and will seem satisfied with their relationship, and in the next, she will act like a heartless harpy and repeatedly show her frustration with him. All the characters have this weird thing going on, but Lisa is definitely on top of the list.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Lazy” title=”‘I don’t want to talk about it.'”/]

Halfway through the movie you understand that this quote is a magic command that ends all inquiries. Lisa seems to be an expert at avoiding topics since she uses the command regularly. I wish this worked in real life!

[do action=”moment” emo=”Quotable” title=”‘You are tearing me apart, Lisa!'”/]

Thank God Tommy Wiseau exists. His overdramatic gesture, which is called the act of ‘milking the giant cow,’ reminds us that this movie might be bad according to the usual standards, but it’s still good in a quirky way.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Puzzling” title=”Can I get your opinion? Wait, no, I don’t want it.”/]

Johnny talks about his problems with Peter, a friend who happens to be a psychologist, asking for his advice as a professional. Two minutes later, he complains about him ‘playing psychologist’ with him and his friends. I still wonder why Peter is willing to hang out with Johnny and his pack of weirdos.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Quotable” title=”‘Anyway, how is your sex life?'”/]

Johnny doesn’t want to talk about his job with his best buddy but won’t see a problem in asking him about his love affairs in public! Who wouldn’t want to talk about sex with strangers sitting right behind you?

[do action=”moment” emo=”Interesting” title=”Today’s Ed Wood?”/]

Tommy Wiseau’s performance is mesmerizing. He plunges into his character without restraint nor fear of ridicule. All the scenes involving him aren’t just good because of his impossible accent or his cheesy quotes… There’s more to it. He acts like there’s no tomorrow. The other actors aren’t natural because they’re bad and they know it. Wiseau obviously had no clue, and that’s what makes him strangely and genuinely fun to watch.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Manipulative” title=”Mark, the victim? Yeah, right.”/]

Throughout the film it seems Mark is given the good guy role, making Lisa the evil witch. The issue I have here is that Mark is also responsible for Johnny’s death. He knew what he was doing since the very beginning. He won’t even admit his faults as Johnny lays in a pool of blood. What a douche.


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