Hollywood

Once more, coincidence is the biggest Spidey villain.

[do action=”spoiler-free-review”/]

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is surprisingly worth your time. You’ll be wondering why the hell I’m saying this during the first hour; but then the planets magically align, and you’ll understand. Electro, Gwen, and Harry’s arcs all deliver unexpected emotionally-charged scenes, even though their respective setup seemed designed by a lame MTV producer. It’s also interesting to see Andrew Garfield grow into this role to the point where we accept him as our favourite immature hero.

So, even though it wouldn’t pass the Marvel Cinematic Universe quality control test, the movie delivers a few memorable moments and a basket full of entertaining scenes. It’s no fancy basket, but it’s cute enough for your 12 bucks.

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[do action=”moment” emo=”Facepalm” title=”Inconsequential.”/]

So Spidey-Daddy was a super-genius? And Spidey-Mommy, was, well, a bad mother? They traveled in a secret plane with complicated mathematical formulas, but didn’t bother to check if one of the pilots was a baddie? Some geniuses. This laughable brand of episodic storytelling is probably meant to tie all the films together but, in the end, it’s a waste of time. Maybe next time feed the geeks with a lame tie-in comic and let us enjoy a coherent movie, will ya?

[do action=”moment” emo=”Exciting” title=”This is the most Spider-Man I’ve seen in a while.”/]

Most superheroes are rooted in our boring reality. This is what separates Spider-Man from others: he’s snarky and doesn’t seem to worry about the dangers surrounding him, possibly thanks to his spider-sense. Andrew Garfield’s rendition really highlights this trait in the first scene, which is packed with action and laughs. Definitely a good entry course.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Boring” title=”The next thirty minutes are pretty bleh.”/]

After an eventful intro, we’re now stuck with a few scenes that have us follow Peter Parker through his mostly boring life. He loves Gwen and seems to work as a photojournalist, although these aspects are never dealt with convincingly. This Peter Parker seems to walk the line between hip and nerd, a trait that never seemed to fit in the first movie. We’re left hoping the movie won’t drag like this through its incredibly long running time.

Yeah.

Yeah, we know.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Interesting” title=”We’re all for simplicity.”/]

The fight between Electro and Spider-Man brought up the level of joy flowing through this movie. It’s as simple a story as it gets: a guy who can’t get attention from his own dog is suddenly the focus of every New Yorker, up until Spider-Man takes the focus of the giant-ass Times Square screens away. The leading scenes to this point were atrocious by any standard, but, once there, the conflict became all sweet and sugary. It also proved bullet-time is still cool.

[do action=”moment” emo=”WTF” title=”The director must have needed a break.”/]

The PR from the first Amazing Spider-Man focused on how Marc Webb toyed with practical effects to make our hero feel more realistic. It was a refreshing take on the mostly CGI heroes out there, and you kind of got what he meant when you saw the film. This time around, though, he completely gave up during the Electro big battle. It’s like he gave animators free rein to do whatever the hell they wanted, and just went for pizza. The result is bleh.

Director needs rest.

Let the underpaid VFX animators take over from here.

[do action=”moment” emo=”DejaVu” title=”A third villain out of nowhere? We’ve seen this before…”/]

Dane DeHaan as Harry Osbourne delivers nicely on the creep factor. The few minutes we saw him with Peter Parker were nice and intimate, and made us feel like there was a previous bond to these two characters. The setup is quite captivating up until he goes full-on crazy with surf hairdo and crooked teeth. You know, just like Topher Grace when he became Venom in Spider-Man 3. It’s the last-minute villain staple Avi Arad seems to have a hard-on for. Such a shame.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Bullshit” title=”R.I.P. Gwen. You were adorable.”/]

Why on earth would the directors kill Gwen Stacy. Oh, that’s right: comic book canon. We won’t complain too much about the death scene because it was AMAZING, but we will complain about the fact that Sony has killed the only other likable character in the franchise. Also, she pretty much died because she was all strong and independent and wouldn’t let a young stalker tell her what to do. Seriously, guys, you’ve made a huge mistake right there.

Quick! Let's fight before my face goes back to normal.

Quick! Let’s fight before my face goes back to normal.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Frustrating” title=”So you kill her AND have us forget about her in the same movie?”/]

Did Emma Stone piss off a writer or something? They cracked her spine, buried her, and then had Peter Parker cry about it for all of five minutes. It seems they couldn’t grow big enough balls to let the movie end on a thoughtful note about the dangers of superheroing. This poor decision, along with the ridiculous use of Paul Giamatti, could fill a whole seminar about missed opportunities in screenwriting.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

We're risking a "Play" here, if only because seeing Spider-Man web around in New York City can be fun at times. Just don't expect good writing.

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