Classics
Glen or Glenda (1953)

This is one excruciatingly painful movie. The editing is horrible, and the unnatural dialogues are way too long. The sole redeeming quality of Glen or Glenda is its socially daring and groundbreaking subject matter. Does it mean it can escape the Eject rating? Don't be ridiculous! Simply put, this is one of the worst movies ever made.

Rating  

Ed Wood spends thousands of dollars to explain his transvestism to the world.

[do action=”play-by-play-spoilers”/]

[do action=”moment” emo=”Laughable” title=”The ‘Scientist.'”/]

No matter how you look at it, Bela Lugosi’s appearance at the beginning of the film doesn’t make any sense. Wood awkwardly tries to use him as a God-like narrator, but Lugosi’s scenes still look like they are part of some clichéd horror movie. The difference of styles between the ‘Scientist’ and Glen’s story is so enormous that you wonder if you are actually watching two movies joined together with cheap preschool glue during post-production.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Boring” title=”Why not make an audiobook version while we’re at it?”/]

Wood’s scenario and directing is mediocre at best. He resorts extensively to narration because he doesn’t know how to make his point otherwise. If all movies had narrators like the one in Glen or Glenda, the whole film industry would be hunted down for crimes against humanity.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Boring” title=”How NOT to use stock footage.”/]

Wood uses random sequences of cars going down the highway and factories in action. Alright, interesting… Not! Their relevance is nonexistent. If you thought the narrator was annoying earlier, you are now served with a super-sized portion of annoyance as the movie flings pound after pound of narration at you. If you haven’t noticed yet, Ed really wanted you to understand what it was like to be a transvestite.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Batshit” title=”Exploitation 101.”/]

OK, now all hell breaks loose. The movie pukes out a bunch of scenes which make very little sense. We even get BDSM and rape scenes. Pure madness, I tell ya! Why is it so different from what we’ve seen so far? Simple: Ed Wood wasn’t involved here. His producer thought it would be best to add extra content to the movie since it would be too short otherwise.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Facepalm” title=”Please, stop it already!”/]

And we’re back to the office where two characters we don’t care about discuss transvestites, hermaphrodites, and sex changes. At least it was fun seeing Ed Wood and Bela Lugosi because, after all, they are Ed Wood and Bela Lugosi. These guys are not.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Facepalm” title=”The 50s and cigarettes.”/]

Gotta love that scene where doctor Alton hands a cigarette to his patient and lights one up for himself, smoking candidly in his office.

[do action=”moment” emo=”Relief” title=”I’ve never loved credits as much as right now!”/]

Bela Lugosi ends the torture with supplementary nonsense and we’re shown cars driving down the highway one last time (how many times has it been?) until the image fades out, giving way to the credits which confirm the good news that Glen or Glenda is finally, mercifully over. Now excuse me while I hit my head with a hammer until I forget everything that has to do with this craptacular piece of garbage.


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