Ever wondered what a witless Iron Man would look like?
[do action=”moment” emo=”Laughable” title=”Wisecracking exposition man.”/]
Here you have our hero’s worst nightmare: Samuel Jackson standing in for poor screenwriting. You know, the kind of bad writing that fills the boring parts with lazy exposition until we get to the action bits. Well guess what? Turns out the action is poor, too, so maybe next time have the departments talk to each other?
[do action=”moment” emo=”Awkward” title=”Someone hid the budget from this director.”/]
After all these years, my favorite Gordon and my favorite Batman meet on screen in one heck of a scene… In front of a fake window. In a fake room. With cheap green screen integration showing around their ears. Also, parts of Robocop’s lone hand disappear from time to time. This lack of attention to detail made me laugh out loud. It’s like they couldn’t even afford filming the movie in Robert Rodriguez’s basement.
[do action=”moment” emo=”Relief” title=”Oh there, effective drama!”/]
The beginning might have been botched with needless plot layering, but I’m starting to believe in this movie now. Robocop, horrified to see what’s left of his body in a mirror, lets Gary Oldman’s magnificent acting convince him to become a robot cop (get the title now?) to save the masses. My sarcastic style of recapping might be concealing the fact that the few scenes surrounding this reveal are pretty effective. Come to think of it, Oldman’s whole story arc almost saved the movie for a while.
[do action=”moment” emo=”WTF” title=”This Robocop is on crack.”/]
I miss the days of simple action scenes, when a proper setup felt more important than speed. Now it’s mostly about videogame-style insanity and poor nostalgic references. Yeah… I am not happy to see the Robocop of my youth do gymnastics and jog around. By the end of the first training sequence, I found myself rooting for Jackie Earle Haley to kick his aluminium ass.
[do action=”moment” emo=”Lazy” title=”Politics become sort of important.”/]
Dear Michael Keaton. Why can’t you come back as old Batman for the next Man of Steel movie? The fact that he still had such fire in his eyes while tackling this uninspired evil millionaire role got me mad at Hollywood for a bit. At least, it gives me hope to see him in full form in the proposed Beetlejuice sequel.
Oh, right. The movie. Politicians are brought into the fold in a last ditch attempt to make it feel zeitgeisty. Too little too late, there’s no hope left.
[do action=”moment” emo=”Trashy” title=”The road to a rooftop borefest.”/]
At last, we’re approaching the end in weird Dredd/The Raid fashion, as Robocop battles foes upwards to green screen heaven, where villains lie and budget has dried up real good. All that’s left for us paying customers is a bunch of Jay Baruchel failed jokes and a spastic Robocop trying to kill Michael Keaton. I can’t believe how this movie has let me down on so many levels. All we asked for was wrecked Detroit and gritty robots, yet we end up with nothing but sadness. Boo.